Letter to someone

My Dear ----------

Today I am torn between your need of wanting me to be there with you, yet not wanting me there and my pain of realising I cant make everything alright. As the case seems I have never left your side, I have always, will always be there for you. it's not that I have an option not to, but I chose not to have an option. My Love for you was a reason, my respect for you was the reason's reason.

You have held yourself high in all trying and testing times, weakened only when you feared loosing your loved ones,this strength is what I derived my strength from. How can I leave your side, when it's the side I draw sight from, I draw sense from. How could I not be on your side when trials and tribulations hit you on your face, when I am the one to be protecting your beutiful face from scars and pains. How could I not be on your side, when you would have not been in the mess that you are, had I not been on your side?

The love as we so call it, doesn't have a definition, I don't know why I love you, I don't know what is Love, if I were to be asked whether I loved you, I'd say yes, but would I mean it, I don't know. All I know is that I want to spend all my waking moments with you, I want to be the pain in your life, I want to be the balm to it too. I want you to be the guiding light in my life, even if you loose the way and not ask for directions. I want you to be the touch I feel, even though I brand you as insensitive.I want you to be my smile, even though the tears are given by you.

The first thought that strikes me when I do something, is not whether God would approve,but whether you'd nod your head in approval and support. The first thought that strikes me when I am mean, or I bitch is whether you'd say that you are disappointed.I am by your side because I need you, like I need my independence, like I need to communicate, like I need to read, like I need to express, like I want to live.

So don't ever ask me to be there, I am already there...
Don't ever ask me to leave for its something not in my hands...

Love,
Kuki