Value........

I have seen women lifted by love.
Countless women surrounded, fed, embraced by love.
But most recently, I have met a woman condemned by love
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
The pain from love is visible in the eyes, heart and soul of this woman.
She who lives for love, who would die for love.
Curiosity forces me to look deep into her.

Eyes tell of a man whose love was taken away as quickly as was given.
A man whose compassion drowned in these eyes.
Taking advantage of the faith and fogiveness she possesses.
Tears roll down her cheeks and begin to drip from her delicate chin.
As sympathy overwhelms me, I invite myself for a better look.

A bleeding heart welcomes me to the truth behind this love.
What once was bliss has transformed.
The love that filled now forces her to starve.
An endless hunger that consumes, leaving nothing for this woman.
This man has stripped her of all that she loved, including himself.
He has laughed when she was in sorrow and found comfort when she was miserable.
My heart breaks for her as she opens up to let me in.

One foot after the other, I step into her soul.
My thoughts echo, as I begin to connect with her sorrows.
"Stop," catches her attention as I began to reason with her.
"Do not give yourself to this man."
Confusion fills her as she wakes to catch my gaze.
"If your love, your life mean so little to you that you can just give it away, why should it mean anymore to him ? "
I hear these words and reality sets in.

I have met this woman in love.
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
I have seen into her eyes, felt her heartache and visited her soul.
This person whose sorrow connects so genuinely with mine...is ME!
I have given my life to a man who has never asked nor has he ever cared for it.
I have believed and made true all the lies.
I have accepted inferiority, for how can he value me more than I value myself ?

Times........

Best friend....

Love....

Brother....

together.....

Whose left ???? :)

My soul drifts aimlessly in times of hopelessness.
It searches tirelessly for meaning and truth ...
Yet finds no direction.

My heart bleeds quietly in times of loneliness.
It yearns to find warmth and happiness ...
Yet it somehow eludes me.

My eyes seek out visions in times of want.
They gaze endlessly through the blackness that envelops them ...
Yet they cannot see the light.

My ears listen earnestly in times of silence.
They search for familiar sounds to comfort and console ...
Yet they cannot penetrate the darkness that surrounds me.

My arms reach out frantically in times of despair.
They seek strength and compassion to enfold me ...
Yet they find nothing substantial to enwrap.

My mind cries out desperately in times of solitude.
It poses intense questions that demand answers ...
Yet there are none to be found.


My hand reaches out earnestly in these times of confusion.
It yearns to dial the number of a familiar and calming voice ...
And gratefully, regain its sanity....

But that is all it does now, yearns, but never gets.....

Together

During most nights, I stayed up and watched him sleep. I could hear his steady breaths and sometimes he would reach out and touch me while he slept. I stayed up because I only had a few days. I did not want to miss anything. His weary expressions. His breaths. His words. His eyes. The twitching of his fingers. His stray hair strands. I wanted to sear everything in my memory. I begged for this one from God and He was merciful for a few days. But only for a few days. I didn't know if I would be able to see him again or if he would ever like to see me. I didn't know if he will ever come back to me. So I gathered all the memories that I could, hoping that they would last a lifetime. I watched him sleep. I watched him eat, and sometimes he smiled. I watched him - knowing fully in my heart that I could do only that for the rest of my life.

The time we spend together, we never did make love - it was just me loving him.

So it ends............

And so it ends here................

I remember the time not long ago
When we laughed and shared it all
We were the very best of friends
Or at least that’s what I thought.
I often wonder why friendships end
What happens to sever that tie
How can someone once so close
Just wave you off with a good bye
I must have been lacking
I must have been wrong
I wasn’t the friend to you
That you were to me all along.
I thought I was loyal
I know I was true
But something went wrong
Now there’s nothing to do
A friendship lost
Is a very sad thing
The angels weep instead of sing.

Ranjha

Ranjha Ranjha kerdi ni main apey Ranjha hoyi,

Ranjha Ranjha saddo ni menu heer na aakho koi

[Repeating the name of Ranjha, I have become Ranjha myself.

O call me ye all Ranjha, let no one call me Heer]

As I hear these melodious words fill the air around me, my heart yearns for his. With my eyes closed, I hum along while my exhausted head starts to sketch him in the darkness of the night.

My heart then desires for him to listen to me sing this melody, but more than that, I am tempted to explain it to him. To explain the essence of each phrase, of each feeling that resonates in Bulleh Shah's poetry and consequently my own affection. But I have learned to control this temptation, just as I have learned to not speak of many things I wish to speak of and to share with him my truest emotions.

I know that singing these words by my bedside and feeling the love I feel, will not bring him any closer to me. Yet, I fill the air with these words.

Jal ja, jal ja Ishq mein jal ja, jale se kundan ho

Jalti raakh laga le maathey, lagey to chundan hoye

[Burn, burn, burn in the fire of passion, for its only when you burn that you turn to gold.

Rub the ashes on your forehead, so you may find some peace]

Sulagtey koyle, re koyle, ab bujhna mushkil hai...

[These burning coals - my heart, continues to burn]