My dear.......

I am not sure exactly why am I writing to him and why do I choose to write here. I suppose he will read this sooner or later, and may be then he will understand.

I think I write this for my sake as well… to keep some sort of record.

She wonders where they go wrong, she wonders what they do that takes them just a second to turn so cold from being all caring and honest. The unpredictability that they have just gives her the chills.She wonders about the mood swings, the sarcastic comments, the whinnings and the downright awful fights.

She cherishes what they have between them.More than anything else, she cherishes what they have between them. She cherishes what they had since they first met. She cherishes all the IMs and the late night talks about the whole world.

She only asks for him. she only asks for the person she was herself with. She asks for him,a person who cared, who talked non-stop, who fought for her, who spent hours with her yet complained of having less time and who confided in her. She remembers the person who would tell her everything and would expect to know everthing. The person who was her comfort zone and she was his.

She misses the person she has shared countless memories with, she misses the person who was practically her “alarm clock” every morning, and her late night lullaby for it was his thoughts that woke her up, his thoughts that lulled her to sleep.

"You are better off in your circle because I dont see myself as a part of it anymore.So let us concentrate on our own business"

She misses the person who could never fight with her, who got equally upset if they did, if not more.She misses the person who used to compete with her, as to who gets upset more.She misses the person who used to compete with her, as to who loves and cares more.She misses the person who craved her company as much as she craved his, if not more.

"That is your problem girl,you never think you are wrong and have this attitutde"

He was the only one with whom she could talk about everything.He was the only person who would tolerate her childish behavior…He was the only one she depended upon.He was the only one she could count on.

Besides him, she never went out with anyone.Others did, everyone did, here or anywhere else but she did not

Besides him,she never really whined in front of anyone. She never teased anyone to the extent she had teased him. She was never as rude to someone as she had been to him.She never really shouted at anyone else either.

He was the only person who was ready to take the blame of her mistakes. He would do whatever it takes to make sure that she is safe and protected…. And she knew that.

I wishe he would come to her and tell her that everything is just fine, that she can tease him and get on his nerves and that they can talk the whole night through without any worries, that they can stand up for each other, and that they don’t have to give each other cold looks ever again. For only he has the ability to comfort her..

More than anything else, I hope he tell her that he cherishes their relationship with all it's flaws as much as she has.

Please know that no matter how things are or how they unfold, she cherishes her relationship with you and always will.

I just hope he does too.

Moments......

At “yet another crossroad” of life’s journey I walked into a stranger who joined me in the odyssey of life
Days went by....Time ticked it’s way through weeks,months and years as I trod life’s unpredictable avenues

This span of time is all but a collection of moments-

Moments when I annoyed you...Moments when you hurt me

Moments when we differed...Moments when we conformed

Moments when you spoke...Moments when I listened

Moments when you didnt speak...Moments when I still listened

Moments of laughing together..Moments when we remained silent

Moments when distances crept in..Moments when intimacy erased them

Moments when I comforted you...Moments when you understood me

Moments when you complained...Moments when I apologized

Moments when I asserted...Moments when you acknowledged

Pain inflicted,heart broken,sorrows lived,existence torn apart,integrity interrogated,hopes crushed....but yet my heart bears no complains to GOD and LIFE who have endowed me with

“YOU"

Oh please..........

Why do people leave? Why does everything come to an end one day? I mean, everything’s so very perfect ..and then one day ..the world turns upside down ..and you lose all that you loved so dearly. This sucks. I know I am supposed to enjoy and cherish every moment and live in the present and blah blah ..but I cant stop such passing thoughts from coming my way!

Dear god,
This time its going great and I know he’s perfect for me, trust me ..he is!
So please, don’t do it again. Let him stay. Let ‘us’ stay. The way we are.Right now.I promise we’ll be fine, we’ll be happy. Ugh. I just want time to freeze. Oh Please :(

All this for that certain someone I have in my life ..and the way we’ve bonded has reached such a level ..that it scares me. Scares me to think that I'll lose him one day. Scares me to think that I may not or rather wont be able to recreate something like this with any other person ever again.

P.S: cant I just have a world which only includes people I love ..minus all those impurities! Okay, I know I sound dumb but I am feeling so helpless.

Dunno.....

Girl: what did you mean when you said that?
Boy: I don’t know …
G: like, what were you thinking? Were you serious?
B: I don’t know ..I guess
G: okay, what are you confused about? Tell me all
B: umm, its weird ..I don’t know ..

G wants to slap the shit out of him and throw him in a well ..but then all she manages to say is “okay”
________________________________________________________________

How do guys never know anything? Hows it possible? If u don’t know, then who will! Do u expect me to read ur mind or something? Are you a 5 year old kid who’s having trouble deciding which toy he wants to buy! Wake up! We’re talking SERIOUS stuff out here dammit! I dont know how you do this 'I dont know' thing.

This I-Don’t-Know problem is so often seen among guys! You can never have a proper discussion with the overflow of ‘I don’t knows’ ..It just kills the mood. How much do you want the other person to extract stuff out of you? And then you ask ..why I am getting so serious! Serious?! Yes, its obviously not serious for you..Coz I’m the mindfucked one out here! Im the one who has to assume stuff and analyse what your different I-don’t-knows ‘might’ mean! ARGGHH!

You OUGHT to know, honey! You OUGHT to! The best way to avoid I-don’t-knows is to communicate. Just tell her all that you’re confused about. You’ll spare her the torture and those mind boggling sessions she’ll have because of YOU! Makes life so much more easier..doesn’t it?

Calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Sigh. I so wish some kabootar could take this post and show it to the people who made me write it :(
Yes, I had to vent it out and now im done. Im out.

Not in my hands.......

I imagine what life would really be like if I dint knew you, and you dint know me
I think the more you get to know me, the more reason I give you to recoil at what comes to your mind.
You don’t want to intimately know me, and I don’t want you to know me either;
I stay away, and yet I can’t resist the dynamics that bring me close to you in my mind.

I loved what you had become in my own simple, naive way, and the more I loved you, the more I hated myself for being so weak for loving you.
What went on between us? I do not know.
You were a continuous storm within my mind, and you never let me go to sleep at night without music in my heart; yet I don’t know who or what you are, or why you haunt me like you do.

I know you didn’t mean to seduce me, but fate has pulled me under with the tide, and though I fought, I could not escape its grasp.
I want you to know you are worth one thousand lives of my own, whoever, and wherever you are in the peaceful chaos of the cosmos.

Some of us fall between the cracks—that’s me.
Some of us fill them in—that’s you.

Quietly........

I keep pushing the limits and keep testing the boundaries which were so rigidly predefined in my mind before. Ever since this illusion has shattered, all avenues have opened to be explored. I've been feeling quite overwhelmed by the options I have before me.

It's interesting to learn for yourself that reality is what you make of it. You define for yourself what and who you accept to be real and to what extent. A forbidden thought, whispered by the smallest of voices in your head in the dead of the night, can be more real for you than the most glaring of truths screamed at you in blinding daylight. Reality is what you allow it to be. Reality is what you choose to accept it to be. And inasmuch, there are limitless opportunities before us.

The further I go from you, the closer I seem to keep you. You defy all logical sense. So I long since accepted you to be the exception to every rule I came up with. Rules which I needed to make sense of my life. Codes of behavior I take everyone else to task with. But you…you I have always let slip through the loopholes in every situation. You, I have always made excuses for. You….

..not because you needed it. Which really is the catch.

We tend to overlook things we shouldn't. And look over things we needn't. I spoke of gifts of hedonistic pleasure at one point in life. You gave me gifts far beyond any I received so far, and frankly, far beyond any I hope to ever receive again. Simply because I cannot imagine anyone else doing for me what you do "Quietly"

Thank you.

Dont wake me up....

I am angry at myself today. Or it would be better to say that I have been angry at myself for a long time now. I am the type of a person who doesn’t like not to be in control—especially control of her own self.

But no matter how hard I try... no matter how strong I am, I know that eventually you take charge of my being. It’s like God gave you this right to be the all-knower and the all-in-all for me ALL the time. Every door I open, every window I peek through, every corner I turn around… I bump into you.

I play around. I laugh. I party. I open myself up. I look at them and try to feel the tingling in my stomach—the same tingling I have always felt when I looked at you. I look at them and want my heart to beat just a little faster. I just want the smile to linger on my face for just a few more moments.
But I fail miserably.

I could sit down and count so many flaws and failures in you… I could find so many reasons to justify not being with you. But then again, you are so perfect. Why? Why are you so perfect for me? Why do you have this ability to make me feel the way you do?

Ab Kisi Ki Ankh Ka Jadoo Nahi Chalta Mujh Par
Woh Nazar Bhool Gayi Hai Mujhe Pathhar Kar K

Every night I rest on my bed with hopes that may be I will get a chance to see you when I close my eyes. I am going out of my head—lost in a fairy tale, where you hold my hand and be my guide. You are the sweetest Lullaby.

I wonder what kind of dream this is… is it a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? Either way, I don’t want to wake up from you.

Tum Pass Ho K Bhi
Tum Aas Ho K Bhi
Ehsaas Ho K Bhi
Apne Nahi
Aise Hain Humko Gile
Tumse Na Jaane Kyun

You........

You—
The fire… the desire


You—
The courage… the strength


You—
My Insanity.


You—
The aggression… the passion


You—
The blood… the life in me.


You—
The red in me.