Back.............

I want it all back: from the cold nights, to the skipping heart beats.I want it back.I want my tears back- from when my puppy died to the countless times I have banged and bruised my head.I want my parents screaming at me because I am being mischievious, when I am laughing on the inside because I have no intention of changing.I want my friends concerned about me.I want to be missed.I want someone crying, begging God for me to be okayI want it back.I want to cry over sad movies.I want to be afraid of dying.I want my hands to tremble, not from fear but from being emotional.I want to talk-freely.I want to feel wanted.I want my veins to struggle to let my blood flow.I want my heart to have to work twice as hard to beat half as slow.I want it back.I want it all back.I want my innocence back.I want you back.

Nothing without you........

I used to have a very strict self designed code of conduct: how to laugh, how to weep, how to speak, how to behave, how to react and so on.He used to admire every move of mine.I started feeling that divine hand had bound some hidden wires of us that he feels comfort with even very weird act of mine.Then relation started getting stronger and stronger.My love kept on increasing and his acceptance kept on decreasing.I became a spot that always received criticism.When I asked him, "are you not feeling feasible with me ?"He candidly replied, "Yup, some features of your personality really hurt me". I said, "but dear, that's my nature".He said in an even more candid way, "then turn around and find some other way for you". I followed his command just like ever, I turned around but oh!! There was nothing other than chaos behind me.I screamed and knelt down before him.He stood there with folded arms in a rather indifferant manner but with a question mark on his face that why I again came back. I looked up, towards his face.My lips were badly stuck but my eyes pleaded, "my past, future and present have submerged themselves in you. I cant go back, I cant move forward, and I cant even stay in the present moment with you. You have the right to discard me, but I cant let you go because I love you so much."

My dear.......

I am not sure exactly why am I writing to him and why do I choose to write here. I suppose he will read this sooner or later, and may be then he will understand.

I think I write this for my sake as well… to keep some sort of record.

She wonders where they go wrong, she wonders what they do that takes them just a second to turn so cold from being all caring and honest. The unpredictability that they have just gives her the chills.She wonders about the mood swings, the sarcastic comments, the whinnings and the downright awful fights.

She cherishes what they have between them.More than anything else, she cherishes what they have between them. She cherishes what they had since they first met. She cherishes all the IMs and the late night talks about the whole world.

She only asks for him. she only asks for the person she was herself with. She asks for him,a person who cared, who talked non-stop, who fought for her, who spent hours with her yet complained of having less time and who confided in her. She remembers the person who would tell her everything and would expect to know everthing. The person who was her comfort zone and she was his.

She misses the person she has shared countless memories with, she misses the person who was practically her “alarm clock” every morning, and her late night lullaby for it was his thoughts that woke her up, his thoughts that lulled her to sleep.

"You are better off in your circle because I dont see myself as a part of it anymore.So let us concentrate on our own business"

She misses the person who could never fight with her, who got equally upset if they did, if not more.She misses the person who used to compete with her, as to who gets upset more.She misses the person who used to compete with her, as to who loves and cares more.She misses the person who craved her company as much as she craved his, if not more.

"That is your problem girl,you never think you are wrong and have this attitutde"

He was the only one with whom she could talk about everything.He was the only person who would tolerate her childish behavior…He was the only one she depended upon.He was the only one she could count on.

Besides him, she never went out with anyone.Others did, everyone did, here or anywhere else but she did not

Besides him,she never really whined in front of anyone. She never teased anyone to the extent she had teased him. She was never as rude to someone as she had been to him.She never really shouted at anyone else either.

He was the only person who was ready to take the blame of her mistakes. He would do whatever it takes to make sure that she is safe and protected…. And she knew that.

I wishe he would come to her and tell her that everything is just fine, that she can tease him and get on his nerves and that they can talk the whole night through without any worries, that they can stand up for each other, and that they don’t have to give each other cold looks ever again. For only he has the ability to comfort her..

More than anything else, I hope he tell her that he cherishes their relationship with all it's flaws as much as she has.

Please know that no matter how things are or how they unfold, she cherishes her relationship with you and always will.

I just hope he does too.

Moments......

At “yet another crossroad” of life’s journey I walked into a stranger who joined me in the odyssey of life
Days went by....Time ticked it’s way through weeks,months and years as I trod life’s unpredictable avenues

This span of time is all but a collection of moments-

Moments when I annoyed you...Moments when you hurt me

Moments when we differed...Moments when we conformed

Moments when you spoke...Moments when I listened

Moments when you didnt speak...Moments when I still listened

Moments of laughing together..Moments when we remained silent

Moments when distances crept in..Moments when intimacy erased them

Moments when I comforted you...Moments when you understood me

Moments when you complained...Moments when I apologized

Moments when I asserted...Moments when you acknowledged

Pain inflicted,heart broken,sorrows lived,existence torn apart,integrity interrogated,hopes crushed....but yet my heart bears no complains to GOD and LIFE who have endowed me with

“YOU"

Oh please..........

Why do people leave? Why does everything come to an end one day? I mean, everything’s so very perfect ..and then one day ..the world turns upside down ..and you lose all that you loved so dearly. This sucks. I know I am supposed to enjoy and cherish every moment and live in the present and blah blah ..but I cant stop such passing thoughts from coming my way!

Dear god,
This time its going great and I know he’s perfect for me, trust me ..he is!
So please, don’t do it again. Let him stay. Let ‘us’ stay. The way we are.Right now.I promise we’ll be fine, we’ll be happy. Ugh. I just want time to freeze. Oh Please :(

All this for that certain someone I have in my life ..and the way we’ve bonded has reached such a level ..that it scares me. Scares me to think that I'll lose him one day. Scares me to think that I may not or rather wont be able to recreate something like this with any other person ever again.

P.S: cant I just have a world which only includes people I love ..minus all those impurities! Okay, I know I sound dumb but I am feeling so helpless.

Dunno.....

Girl: what did you mean when you said that?
Boy: I don’t know …
G: like, what were you thinking? Were you serious?
B: I don’t know ..I guess
G: okay, what are you confused about? Tell me all
B: umm, its weird ..I don’t know ..

G wants to slap the shit out of him and throw him in a well ..but then all she manages to say is “okay”
________________________________________________________________

How do guys never know anything? Hows it possible? If u don’t know, then who will! Do u expect me to read ur mind or something? Are you a 5 year old kid who’s having trouble deciding which toy he wants to buy! Wake up! We’re talking SERIOUS stuff out here dammit! I dont know how you do this 'I dont know' thing.

This I-Don’t-Know problem is so often seen among guys! You can never have a proper discussion with the overflow of ‘I don’t knows’ ..It just kills the mood. How much do you want the other person to extract stuff out of you? And then you ask ..why I am getting so serious! Serious?! Yes, its obviously not serious for you..Coz I’m the mindfucked one out here! Im the one who has to assume stuff and analyse what your different I-don’t-knows ‘might’ mean! ARGGHH!

You OUGHT to know, honey! You OUGHT to! The best way to avoid I-don’t-knows is to communicate. Just tell her all that you’re confused about. You’ll spare her the torture and those mind boggling sessions she’ll have because of YOU! Makes life so much more easier..doesn’t it?

Calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Sigh. I so wish some kabootar could take this post and show it to the people who made me write it :(
Yes, I had to vent it out and now im done. Im out.

Not in my hands.......

I imagine what life would really be like if I dint knew you, and you dint know me
I think the more you get to know me, the more reason I give you to recoil at what comes to your mind.
You don’t want to intimately know me, and I don’t want you to know me either;
I stay away, and yet I can’t resist the dynamics that bring me close to you in my mind.

I loved what you had become in my own simple, naive way, and the more I loved you, the more I hated myself for being so weak for loving you.
What went on between us? I do not know.
You were a continuous storm within my mind, and you never let me go to sleep at night without music in my heart; yet I don’t know who or what you are, or why you haunt me like you do.

I know you didn’t mean to seduce me, but fate has pulled me under with the tide, and though I fought, I could not escape its grasp.
I want you to know you are worth one thousand lives of my own, whoever, and wherever you are in the peaceful chaos of the cosmos.

Some of us fall between the cracks—that’s me.
Some of us fill them in—that’s you.

Quietly........

I keep pushing the limits and keep testing the boundaries which were so rigidly predefined in my mind before. Ever since this illusion has shattered, all avenues have opened to be explored. I've been feeling quite overwhelmed by the options I have before me.

It's interesting to learn for yourself that reality is what you make of it. You define for yourself what and who you accept to be real and to what extent. A forbidden thought, whispered by the smallest of voices in your head in the dead of the night, can be more real for you than the most glaring of truths screamed at you in blinding daylight. Reality is what you allow it to be. Reality is what you choose to accept it to be. And inasmuch, there are limitless opportunities before us.

The further I go from you, the closer I seem to keep you. You defy all logical sense. So I long since accepted you to be the exception to every rule I came up with. Rules which I needed to make sense of my life. Codes of behavior I take everyone else to task with. But you…you I have always let slip through the loopholes in every situation. You, I have always made excuses for. You….

..not because you needed it. Which really is the catch.

We tend to overlook things we shouldn't. And look over things we needn't. I spoke of gifts of hedonistic pleasure at one point in life. You gave me gifts far beyond any I received so far, and frankly, far beyond any I hope to ever receive again. Simply because I cannot imagine anyone else doing for me what you do "Quietly"

Thank you.

Dont wake me up....

I am angry at myself today. Or it would be better to say that I have been angry at myself for a long time now. I am the type of a person who doesn’t like not to be in control—especially control of her own self.

But no matter how hard I try... no matter how strong I am, I know that eventually you take charge of my being. It’s like God gave you this right to be the all-knower and the all-in-all for me ALL the time. Every door I open, every window I peek through, every corner I turn around… I bump into you.

I play around. I laugh. I party. I open myself up. I look at them and try to feel the tingling in my stomach—the same tingling I have always felt when I looked at you. I look at them and want my heart to beat just a little faster. I just want the smile to linger on my face for just a few more moments.
But I fail miserably.

I could sit down and count so many flaws and failures in you… I could find so many reasons to justify not being with you. But then again, you are so perfect. Why? Why are you so perfect for me? Why do you have this ability to make me feel the way you do?

Ab Kisi Ki Ankh Ka Jadoo Nahi Chalta Mujh Par
Woh Nazar Bhool Gayi Hai Mujhe Pathhar Kar K

Every night I rest on my bed with hopes that may be I will get a chance to see you when I close my eyes. I am going out of my head—lost in a fairy tale, where you hold my hand and be my guide. You are the sweetest Lullaby.

I wonder what kind of dream this is… is it a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? Either way, I don’t want to wake up from you.

Tum Pass Ho K Bhi
Tum Aas Ho K Bhi
Ehsaas Ho K Bhi
Apne Nahi
Aise Hain Humko Gile
Tumse Na Jaane Kyun

You........

You—
The fire… the desire


You—
The courage… the strength


You—
My Insanity.


You—
The aggression… the passion


You—
The blood… the life in me.


You—
The red in me.

Somewhere between......

I'm in this dark hole now. It's pretty though.

It's the prettiest thing in my world right now. No light. Just sheer darkness and me. It's all good. Something keeps me wanting to live amidst all the chaos, all this death. No noise. No light. No clutter. No racing. No tears. No smiles. No one to let you down. No one to give you glory. No friends, therefore no enemies. Life in it's purest form, sitting right beside me, saying nothing, doing nothing...just being itself giving me silent glances, yet not beckoning me to do anything. Life and me, staring at the walls. No need to cry. No need to ask. No need to validate my thoughts. Not the faintest need to be acknowledged either. Not the smallest want to be wanted.

I'm quite content with my beliefs that they need to be neither approved nor validated. I don't need your salutations either for they don't do anything to me anymore. I'm on the most content road ever. Im back in my mother's womb. I'm fresh and unaffected. Humans are programmed to receive. But in that reception lives a huge lie. A giant fake. A humungous disappointment. Because nothing is really forever. Nothing can be kept with you unless it's given to you by YOU. Everything else is temporary. People, friends, words, promises, gifts, bonds...everything is nothing. They will all be consumed by time and nature some day. Is there something that won't be swallowed by time? Is there something that won't be forsaken by a mere plethora of expectations?

The sense of peace I feel right now is surreal. One I never felt before. A territory I dared not tread before. It's amazing. I no longer suffer from the need to make or have friends. I'm quite 'blissed' out here. No one knows what they are here for, or the wheres or whys. No one cares what you have to say. There are echoes from a distant past, and I see lips moving...but nothing can really be heard in this dark hole.

And it's good. I have forgotten to smile but I have forgotten to cry too.In this nothingness lies a real sense of peace. Once you're broken beyond repair, that's when you realise your full potential, your purest form, yourself. Until you're 'broken' you will never really know what it is to live without others...you will never really learn to live as 'you'. I'm somewhere between life and death, but I'm not with you.

life.....

Only eyes will cry, not a single soul will weep
I feel this will happen, when for ever I'll sleep
I'm torn inside, inside only I cry
knowing it makes no difference whether i live or die
now I only breathe,I died long back
and people now think its emotions I lack
no-one to share my feelings, my soul always wept
the sorrows passed away, but the pain is still kept
the whole wide world alone I roam
and live in a lonely room, in a lonely home
when spring gives earth a new song to dance
it's my heart afraid of breaking that won't take a chance
then sunrays greet and turn everything to gold
but my heart remains cold
when earth gets a new life from the rain
there is nothing to look forward to, it was all in vain
then winter comes and another year will end and again
I wonder whether my life will ever mend
will there ever be someone, someone by my side?
but now its too late because long back I died

On my own........

I can’t do it. I have tried to do it so many times but I just can’t. Perhaps, I won’t. Yes, I am too shy to show you all my vulnerable side. I am too weak to make it clear. It’s an emotional suicide.

It doesn’t look like I can give anyone anything. I haven’t slept. I can’t connect. Am I crazy? I laugh too loud. I have no tears to cry. Sometimes I want to cry.

But, these feelings…. These feelings won’t go away. You know it is not easy. These thoughts don’t leave me. These feelings won’t go away. They have been knocking me all over the place. I keep thinking in the moment that time will take them away. But these feelings won’t go away.

So, here I stand. I can’t turn away. And I don’t want to cause you all any pain. But I can’t communicate.
So here I am.
And here I stand.
On my own again.

Flower yet unwanted....

Someone described me as a wild flower that flourishes even in adversity and brightens up evryone's life...I would say further..yet a wild flower is never wanted as any other flower.It always remains unwanted :-)

Understanding men....

Ok, I am no advice columnist, neither a psychologist nor specialized in any way in men’s psychology. I am just another woman who has her opinions.

They say, men and women always end up on the opposite ends. Women complain about how insensitive and “gross” men are and men whine about the cry-babies women can turn into.
Granted, there are differences but we have to learn to live with them, right?

Lets start with relationships. Men are committed. Period. If he is committed to you once probably he will remain committed to you for the rest of his life. But the problem is that you don’t really know when he is really committed. Sometimes women ‘think’ men are serious about the relationship but they are not and then they ‘cheat’ on the women.

Another thing women need to understand and tolerate is that men are big kids (Come on guys, accept it!). Deep down, all men are big ol' boys. (This explains why so many grown men wear baseball caps.) Their interests are boy-like, too. Take his obsession with sports. Most men love anything that involves kicking something, throwing things or punching other men. Sounds like 10-year-olds on the playground to you? Does to me. When you put three or more men together, they bond by yelling at the TV and being idiots to each other. Regressing into childlike behavior isn't just a means of amusing themselves — it's their way of escaping real-life pressures and feeling accepted as they are. There's no point in denying guys time to release their juvenile side. And hey, at least they're doing it during boys' night out and not in front of your friends or family!

Another thing I have learnt from my day to day life is that men don’t take hints. Whether its your friend, husband, boyfriend or brother, they just don’t. I think it is because when men are with other men, they don't tiptoe around each other and drop subtle suggestions. That's because hints don't register with guys. Women pride themselves on being able to know intuitively what their friends, husbands and kids are thinking, but men have no interest in reading minds. That's I've learned from men: "If you don't ask, you don't get." In relationships, I don't expect a guy to know exactly what I want — and whenever I do, I'm disappointed. If, for example, you want him to take you out for your birthday, you're wasting your time dropping hints like "Guess what day Friday is? It's someone's birthday!" If you do that, you'll be 80 before he takes you out. And while you're at it, don't hint about wanting a gift that's shiny and lasts forever: To him, you've just described a set of pots and pans.
But, if you do ask, chances are you will get it. Be it an expensive ring or a loving kiss, don’t hesitate to ask them for it.

Coming down to a more domestic level, women should all know that men don’t do their laundry until they are out of clean clothes. If this happens before then that means someone else is doing their laundry for them. Sometimes, their dirty laundry even comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

A couple more things to keep in mind:

Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to their manhood. Just spare him the misery.

Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.

If he has to sit through “Notting Hill”, you have to sit through “Showgirls”.

If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.

He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay… maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…

Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

But in the end, remember that men are human. We all are. We are unique and we have our own individuality. You will not go anywhere in understanding someone if you keep on putting them in one stereotypical category or another.

Good luck Ladies! :-)

(Some ideas taken from a magazine, Forgot the exact issue and name)

Imperfect is for me............

All I can think about is the hows, whys and whats of things. How did I let myself go that far? When did it happen? Why does it feel so right?There are some things in life you want so badly that there is no other alternative. No scratch that. There is always an alternative. Sometimes even a better one, but it would never make you feel the same way. It could make you feel better, it wouldn't make you feel the same. I am selfish. I want to feel the "same", the way I have always felt. The way he made me feel. Does it make any sense?

Alternatives are sometimes a more practical and economical option. I say economical because trust me Love costs you A LOT, more than anything could ever cost you and I dont mean in the monetary terms.. But alternatives are like eating a frozen yogurt instead of ice-cream. It is healthier but it will never satisfy your craving; it will never make you feel the SAME. Do you see where I am going with this?

Sometimes you meet someone and you know it is not going to be a perfect relation.For some odd reason you still want to give it a try for the hell of it. Yeah, I gave it a try for the hell of it, and now I can't think about being with a perfectly compatible person that may or may not exist. Because that imperfect person is the One for me. I like the imperfection in us. I like the yelling and the screaming and the fact that I can be way too emotional and he can be way to logical at times. I like that he is very specific about his outlook where as I could care less about mine. I want him to yell at me for talking too loudly or for being irritating at times. I want to yell at him for not going to bed at a proper time or having cigarettes, or being too careless.

I cannot believe I am admitting all of this. I, who always wanted everything perfect. But I do. I have learned that happiness is not in perfection. It is in the screaming and the yelling. It is not in the perfect romantic evening but in an ordinary weekday night when you go to a Pizza Hut because you are too lazy to go elsewhere and eat it straight out of the box. Happiness is not about having what you want but wanting what you have.

At a loss to describe it.......

There is something comforting about talking to you before going to bed at night. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I know there is something different about the whole ritual. Something feels right when I blab about absolutely nothing at all with my eyes half closed. May be it is the combination of a tired body and a sleepy mind but it does feel kind of… umm… what’s the word? I can’t find a word!

Perhaps it’s because hearing your voice keeps me warm or maybe it is the way you wish me good night that put me in an almost…. (again, what’s the word?!)


I like talking to you. I like struggling for words while my mind drifts into slumber. I like having the feeling that when I wake up in the morning I'll talk to you again. I think it is the confidence of knowing and believing that keeps me satisfied and sends me peacefully to the dream world every night.

It’s just that magical feeling. Again, I can’t put my finger on it… but you know the feeling I am talking about, right?
:-)

Love.............

“Do you know what love is like?” She asked.

“No,” was the response.

“Do you ever put your arms out and spin and spin and spin?"

“Only all the time!” :-)

“Well that’s what love is like," she said quietly. “Makes your heart race, turns your world upside down. But if you are not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance.

You can’t see what’s happening to the people around you...You can’t see that you are about to fall...”

I absolutely, completely, totally despise his smile. Not because it is stupid or cheesy. In fact it is the most beautiful smile any beautiful face could possibly have. But I hate it. Whenever I think about it, it makes me angry. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I beg you not to smile. You are killin’ me!

Whenever I see that smile, my heart melts. It doesn’t matter if I see it everyday, or after a couple of weeks or even after months, that smile just gets to me. That smile controls me. I was never able to say no to it. No matter how awful things are, no matter how horribly we fight with each other, all it takes is that smile to make me forget about all the wrongs. Somehow it makes everything in the world just right.

Somehow it makes me do all the things I do not want to do. Or it would be better to say that it makes me do things that I know I will regret but I do it anyway. And then I regret it. It is the subtle upward curving of the lips combined with a sparkle in his eyes that hypnotizes every inch of my body and my mesmerized soul completely submits to him. I hate this smile

Can you blame me ?

:-)

The girl who needed too much love.....

There was a girl, once upon a time. She needed too much love, always a lot more than her rightful share. Not that she wanted to keep it all hidden somewhere for herself. She returned all she got, many times over. And she wanted to keep giving. But to give a ton, she wanted her ounce. She wanted many ounces over. She wanted simply too much. And all her life, she kept wandering, thirsty for love, simmering from the insides in the heat of her unshared locked up passions. She died with her thirst quenched eventually by a flood of her own salt-less tears. Her greed had stolen their salt and given it to the wounds of her heart, so the heightened pain would finally consume her and end her anguish.

You will be missed.....

Can you believe he’s gone?

I can’t imagine a World I know without MJ and his music!

Its like one of those things that take a while to register. I got up in the morning and heard the news. I had a superficial immediate reaction “Oh”. Listened to the songs we have grown up with…and I continued to hum “Beat it” under my breath as the day progressed.
And slowly, as more and more people talked about it, orkut and facebook status messages began to flood with his songs, his story, his memories….it finally began to sink in…He really is gone. Like that. Forever. At 50.

Its not just the death of a great artist, it literally is the end of an era. MJ represented western music to us! Growing up in a small town, my first brush with “English” music was MJ. Pop music was MJ.

I still remember parties that were crazy and fun, just because MJ music blared from rickety music systems…making us dance and feel cool.

How can one not have memories associated with “Thriller”?

You remember that style? The military style tight jacket, that single sequined glove, the aviators??

That’s what we associated with “cool”. MJ defined style for us.

His going feels strange. As I said, the end of an era. Of a phemomenon itself. The end of pop. Childhood and youth, as I knew it…

RIP MJ.

They told him don’t you ever come around here
Don’t wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire’s in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it
You better run, you better do what you can
Don’t wanna see no blood, don’t be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad
Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin’ how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right
Just beat it, beat itJust beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it

Craving.....

At times in the middle of work, I find myself craving.

I find myself craving for you, like I would crave for ice-cream or chocolate at times. I am quite notorious for my cravings among my friends. Usually when I need to eat something I would just HAVE to get it.

But you…come on now… I can’t eat up a human being! But that is exactly what I want to do at times. Consume your entire being. Take you in me—completely. I know it sounds absurd but I crave for you. I need you. I want you… all of you. So bad. It almost kills me to know that I can’t always have you the way I want you or whenever I want you.

It’s getting too intense. The more you seem out of reach the more I want you. Please try to understand, you are like my sleeping pill. I need to take a dose every night before I can go to sleep. Otherwise I am an eternal insomniac.

Sometimes I want to hold you so tight that it would hurt. And at the same time, I fear. I am afraid that if I touch you I will hurt you. There is too much intensity. Perhaps there is a reason why we are not close.

Please don’t touch me. I should not come in your radius of contact. My heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it is shaken, it will spill everything. I am so intense that I might fall apart. And knowing me I won’t do the damage only to myself. I don’t trust.

I pity myself tonight. I am hopeless, pathetic, almost drunk… yearning for you.

Addicted

Don't let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?

Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.

Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.

~Enrique Iglesias

There is very little to say, such is the emptiness.
Not sadness, nor joy, just a void, and darkness.
From life, I take a break, for merely existing
Reality can happen, stepwise, shakily, certainly.
Tomorrow is beyond knowing, yesterday already over
And today, it's not even happening, not in the sun or in the rains
Today is just waiting, for one day it will be, maybe
But at this moment it crumbles, along with something in my veins

Correct me if I am wrong

A gift is supposed to give happiness...to the person who got it....and the person who is giving it

So where did I go wrong ?? :(

Bits and pieces-Private Matters

With the motive of spending quality time with Mom before I have to finally leave for my college I have recently started accompanying Mom on her morning and evenings walks (though I hate to walk!!)

We go to this particular park here which is quite popular for these purposes.This park also happens to be the place where Chandrashekhar Azad shot himself instead of surrendering to the Britishers.Anyways coming back to the topic,day before yesterday me and Mom were out to this place for our walk.There was this adorable 3-4 years old girl there with her Dad.Eyes than dance with laughter, mischief written across every feature.

Now this girl found a young couple in the park, getting cozy (its not an unusual site for the park so even though we noticed too we initally didnt pay any attention).They were just sitting side by side with the guy’s arm around the girl’s shoulder, whispering sweet nothings to each other…

Father of the kid tried to distract her and drag her off, but our 4 year old pataka(apt for her :P) held her ground and confronted them.

What are you doing?

They just smiled.

What ARE you doing? She persisted.

They of course looked at the father to intervene.

He was most embarassed, mumbled an apology and tried to drag her off one more time.

Even when she was being hauled off, she told them in no uncertain terms “Don’t do these things in the park. My parents ”do” this inside the house!!! Don’t sit like this here”

!!!

Sit with their arms around each other that is.

Me and Mom laughed for a bit.

And then I also felt a little sad.

I love this tag!!

I was actually planning to do this particular tag since a long time now but never got around to it.Yeah call me lazy :P

So this time I was actually pretty happy to get this tag from Andy :D

Rules:
Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post.
Share seven facts about yourself in the post.
Tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs.
Let them know they have been tagged.

Ok so here it goes:-

1. I am a left hander.Obviously I dont remeber this,but Mom says when I was young and just learning to write I always used to hold the pencil in my left hand.And I used to get real nice bashings for that.So later on I used to write with my left hand wenever I was alone in the room but switch the pencil to the other hand as soon as someone entered the room.But guess I wasnt that smart for Mom not to realise what I was upto.She finally took me to a Doc Uncle (referring to him as doc uncle coz he was a family friend and my doc..if you know what I mean :P) & I was officially referred to as a left hander only after uncle assured Mom that this was perfectly natural and I was not some crazy being to hold a pencil in my left hand..also that if people kept on reacting the way they have been (all those bashings and all) I'll end up being confused the whole of my life as to which hand to use!! :D

2.I am quite impulsive and passionate.

3. Online or real when I am upset and I am around people I get angry instead of crying. (Very unhealthy, I know) I am really good at hiding my emotions.Apart from my family(that too rarely),I doubt anyone has ever seen me crying.Ofcourse I do cry but somehow the tears only come out when am all alone.But the weird part is when I am very low you may get it while talking to me online but call me or meet me at once and I wont at all sound like that.You might actually wonder after calling me if I was acting that am upset lol.

4. I can get very moody and a total pain at times.

5. I am a BIG chatterbox.Just give me any topic and I can talk for hours and hours on it.For that matter, I dont even need a proper topic to talk at times.Just give me an excuse and I'll start :P...Ummm well you all must have guessed that from the amount of stuff am writing in each random fact here :P But yes this habit of mine only comes out with people I am close to and love talking to.I can be equally quiet around people I dont like talking to or at situations which require me to keep my mouth shut :D

6. I loved I lost...I loved again..guess what??? I lost again but I am still hopelessly and insanely in love.

7. I cannot walk away from people I care about no matter what.

Done...now I tag Ankur , Riddhi and anyone else who would like to do it :D

Letter to someone

My Dear ----------

Today I am torn between your need of wanting me to be there with you, yet not wanting me there and my pain of realising I cant make everything alright. As the case seems I have never left your side, I have always, will always be there for you. it's not that I have an option not to, but I chose not to have an option. My Love for you was a reason, my respect for you was the reason's reason.

You have held yourself high in all trying and testing times, weakened only when you feared loosing your loved ones,this strength is what I derived my strength from. How can I leave your side, when it's the side I draw sight from, I draw sense from. How could I not be on your side when trials and tribulations hit you on your face, when I am the one to be protecting your beutiful face from scars and pains. How could I not be on your side, when you would have not been in the mess that you are, had I not been on your side?

The love as we so call it, doesn't have a definition, I don't know why I love you, I don't know what is Love, if I were to be asked whether I loved you, I'd say yes, but would I mean it, I don't know. All I know is that I want to spend all my waking moments with you, I want to be the pain in your life, I want to be the balm to it too. I want you to be the guiding light in my life, even if you loose the way and not ask for directions. I want you to be the touch I feel, even though I brand you as insensitive.I want you to be my smile, even though the tears are given by you.

The first thought that strikes me when I do something, is not whether God would approve,but whether you'd nod your head in approval and support. The first thought that strikes me when I am mean, or I bitch is whether you'd say that you are disappointed.I am by your side because I need you, like I need my independence, like I need to communicate, like I need to read, like I need to express, like I want to live.

So don't ever ask me to be there, I am already there...
Don't ever ask me to leave for its something not in my hands...

Love,
Kuki

Unconditional

Why can’t you get over the fact that I love you despite the fact that you do not love me? Why is it so important for you to make me stop loving you?

What is it… does it make you feel guilty? Or does it make you sympathize with me? Do you make fun of my poor miserable feelings or can’t you just not handle the fact that I could care about you without asking anything in return?

Please don’t get me wrong, I am no angel and I am sure of that. I am not trying to portray myself as a person who is just so great and who is working with dedication towards finding her true love. No, I am none of these.

I am just someone who is in love with you and is not afraid of it. I am not stalking you. I am not asking you for a commitment. Hell, I am not even asking you to see me every day. Essentially I am not asking you for anything.

I am just asking you not to rob me of my precious feelings. I am asking you to wrap your head around the fact that someone can actually love you without your consent.

No, I won’t stop loving you if you try to be a jerk. No, I would not stop loving you if you deliberately hurt me. Yes, it hurts but it doesn’t stop me from feeling how I feel. No, it doesn’t matter if you are around or far away, I continue to love you. Why can’t you leave me to love?

No, it is not an obsession.

Why is it so hard for people to wrap their head around the most pure, beautiful, blissful feeling called LOVE?

Another of my hidden talent :D

I accidently came across this video on youtube.
Have u ever heard this song??

I am clueless about what prompted these lyrics...I guess the guy writing them was hungry and had to meet a deadline and the poor thing just couldnt distract himself off the food...and then again, guess "lurrve" in hindi cinema goes with almost everything---even 'batatawada' :p

Enjoy!!
(I wonder if the choreographer was inspired by 'betal' from 'vikram and betal' for some of the moves in this song...chk it out...u'll get to know what I mean!)








Now that you have heard and seen the video, please humour me and sing aloud my inspired composition maintaining the original looney tune of the song...Ok? You can even dance the betaal step if u want! :D

(Starts with combination of nagiin dance+classical)
"Batatawada heyy, batatawadaaaaa
ketchup nahi lenaaa tha, lenaaaa padaaaaoh
oh oh oh
batatawada batatawada!!

Batatawada,heyyy, batatawada, hoyee
churan nahi khaaana thaa, khanaa pada..
ahaha ahaha
batatawada batatawada!!

(Now the much awaited 'betaal' step..try from a table top...go!)
Hote the jo hosh mein hum,
aise na hum yu khatee..hoyee
accha yahi tha pehle,
hum iske paas naa aatee
ab ise na khaana hai,
mushkil badaahahhhhhh

batata wada heyy, batata wada!!
ketchup nahi lena thaa, lenaa padaaa..
batata wadaa dadada
batata wadaaa!!

lagta hain bhooke peit k armaan nikal gaye,
kaisi hai acidity hum jisme jal gaye...
laa jaldi ENO' kaa, glass badaaaaaa
batata wada, heyy, batataa wadaaa!!
ENO nahi peena thaaaha, peena padaa...
batata wadaa, oh ho oh hoo..batatawada!!

(Now with Anil Kapoor beating the dholak like a mad man and Madhuri dancing like a drunk woman)
Masti mei health ki kashti jaaye na doob apni,
tu ek paar utre, insurance hain khoob apni..
tu aise hi paka lena, main khaunga khana sadaaaa
batatawada batatawadaaaa!!

batatawada batatawada hahaha
batatawada batatawada heehehehhe
ketchup nahi lena tha, lenaaa padaa
batatawada batatawada!!"

I'd make a better lyricist dont you think? Hunh?
Ok so have the neighbours gathered yet?? *rubs hands in glee*
Whatttt!!!! No?? You mean you dint sing aloud? Humph!! :-/
Nobody has respect for my talent I tell you! *sob sob*

Kuki goes voting

I had voted a few days back but am writing this post a lil late assuming that most of the people who visit this blog have seen election in there city by now.

This is the second time I voted....first for the prime ministerial elections though...the last one was state level elections.Till a day before the elections in my city I was asking each and everyone I know here if they were going to vote and lecturing as well when I found people hadn’t made the effort of getting themselves registered.

I thought once I vote and come back, I’ll put a “typical” post on why we should vote etc etc…

Well, I voted. And I am here writing a post. But you know, I have no interest in lecturing others about why they should and all that.

All I know and am thinking about, is that I VOTED

It might seem juvenile, but after voting I was super kicked. Overwhelmed at how important it made me feel. Reminded me that I live in a free country and that in some way, I genuinely utilized the freedom and fulfilled the responsibility that comes with it.

I behaved like a country bumpkin, sitting in a plane for the first time. I literally hopped and jumped on my way to the booth and chatted up with people there, the election officer, everyone!

It was almost like going overseas for the first time, with me announcing to anyone who’d care to listen “Its my first time in a prime ministerial election . I am soooooooo excited.” I even told the petrol pump wala when after voting I went to get petrol for my scooty!! :D

Some replied back with a “ditto”, some congratulated me, and the election officer said he was proud of me(!!!). Though there were hardly any people, and virtually no queue...and I guess me and Mom were the only females in the whole polling booth!! (Dad couldnt go with us as he was on election duty so it was just me and Mom) No wonder the election officer,security guards and everyone else including the petrol pump man were so impressed by me LOL :P

It was an awesome feeling, really. Overwhelming.

Right now, I am not concerned with whether you did or didn’t (I wish you did though) and what your reasons are.

I DID.

P.S. Of course, I came back to a daily three-hour-long power cut: some things will never change, no matter which jokers are in power. :D

Story of an unwanted girl child

Amazing story of Femina Miss India-Universe

Weird ads

What's with these ads implying that the only reason women don't show skin is that they aren't hairless enough? :O :-/

First there was Katrina Kaif in a Veet ad, apparently feeling 'confident' about tearing off her dress sleeves before walking on the ramp only because she had remembered to use Veet to get hair off her arms.

Worse, there's Kareena Kapoor for Anne French who reveals her shoulders and arms while other women pull at their sleeves and scarves: "Twacha ho khoobsurat, toh darr kaisa?" ("Why be afraid when you have beautiful skin?" or something to that effect.)

I suppose the reason she doesn't walk about naked is that she has a hairy torso, and Anne French only works on arms and legs? :O

And did anyone catch that one where a tennis player wears long pants and long-sleeved tops because her arms and legs aren't pretty enough? And she's told she has to wear a tennis dress for the actual match because, don't you know, it's not about how you play, it's about how much (hairless and pale) skin you show? *rolling my eyes*

And of course she wins the match, because hallelujah! her skin is pretty and she can wear a dress now! *roll eyes again*

While writing this I just saw the ad on the TV again,, and it's for some Vaseline body lotion. Apparently, the reason she didn't show her limbs was because they weren't the same colour as her face! So Vaseline comes to the rescue and ensures her legs are as white as her face. Now, I not only wonder why she doesn't use Vaseline all over her body, I also wonder how Vaseline knows exactly what colour all of our faces are! :-/ Does it magically take on the colour of the face of whoever uses it? Or can only women whose faces are a certain shade of white use it? :P

Bits and pieces-1

I cant judge sme1 on wt i hear abt him/her frm othrs..I lke 2 judge ppl on my own..I wont leav d side of a frnd of mine jst coz sme random stranger came wid sme 'proofs'(evn if dey r true) abt him/her..I av full faith in my own judgement n I dnt need sme1's hlp for it..n tht 2 on d basis of jst sme stuff of a complete stranger!..I av my own mind ty vry mch.

I really find it funny the way evry1 (be it his gf or his best frend) is screamin accusin n shoutin at him after every bloddy mail ...dude you all know him since d last what...3 or 4 yrs n yet u need sme stranger to tell u hws he n wts he...gr8 frndship n relationship i must say.

I am not saying hes innocent...I am not sayin that I know wteva is bein said is wrng...m just sayin...m just against d way its bein said...m just sayin tht if der r 2 persons between whom I av 2 choose...I'll go wid d person I thot i knew (key word thot) n c for myslf if wteva is bein said is ryte rather than choosin 2 go wid a guy who cant even reveal his identity 2 me and trust him blindly...who says he has my best interest at heart but still does not hesitate in sharing stuff abt me wid a hell of a lot of ppl too!!

I av a lot of questions too...questions jinke answers only he has...but m not going to start jumping as soon as I get another of those so called proofs..no ...I wud c for myslf judge for myslf n den go about it


Evry1 kindly dont take notice of dis post.......I wanted sme place 2 blabber tke it all out...n wt place betr than my darling blog :D...if u do tke notice..thts fine wid me 2 :D

Part time lover...

I was a part-time lover and a full-time friend.
He wanted neither.
I failed.

Who lost?

I am getting comfortable....

Again...wrote this piece sometime back...never posted it here

I am getting comfortable in those arms a little too much. For the first time, I am not afraid. I am not afraid of myself, I am not afraid of people around me and I am not afraid of the future. Come what may I do not care… and why should I? I have felt the touch—that caring tender touch and I will give up anything for it. I know it is worth all.

I am glad you are sincere.I am glad that I can hear it in your words and see it in your eyes. I am glad it is you. I will never have any regrets.I am glad it is you that I have shared myself with.I will not trade you for anyone. I will not trade this for anything.

I tremble as I write this.I tremble the same way I tremble whenever I am in your arms,for I love you and a part of me will always love you.

You are beautiful and handsome.You remind me of the man who depicts wonderful manners and a strong character. The man who is full of life… who is generous at heart and who doesn't give up even when life shows less hope. True, some mistakes have been made. Some harsh words were said and some things weren't avoided. But,I still believe there was nothing that is not amendable.You are the man whose smile makes my heart skip a beat.The man,I have loved.The man I am proud to love.

Do not worry,my darling,I do not ask anything in return.I do not wish to cause you any harm or distress,for I am just living a dream.A wonderful dream which I know has to come to an end sooner or later.But I dont want to wake up..not yet..not yet....

Tell me...

Tell me my darling,

How does it feel…

How does it feel when I hold your hand and walk with you letting you lead?

How does it feel when my stare lingers on you for just a little longer every time I see you?

How does it feel when I lightly brush my fingers across your arm while passing by?

Tell me my sweetheart,

How does it feel…

How does it feel when my lips tremble and my body becomes weak as you kiss me?

How does it feel when I give myself to you in the most vulnerable of times?

How does it feel when I dig my nails into your bare back while quivering in ecstasy (never planned on posting this poem here....when did...edited this line lol now its back on demand ..dare ne1 tease me on dis :P)

How does it feel when I put my head on your heart?

How does it feel when I caress your hair while you peacefully nap in my arms?

Tell me my life,

How does it feel to know that I love you?

Yes,I am talking about LOVE

I am talking about the love that you feel inside...

The love that will make you cry...

The love that haunts you day and night

So baby, tell me… how does it feel to know that I love you?

Wrote it sometime back...never posted it here...This ones for you Lucky :)
...Andy now dont you start jumping LOL

Fear

I hope you forgive me for treating you the way I do.

Yesterday, I pretended to not notice you when you walked past me.

I love your eyes and I think your smile is beautiful but I won’t tell you that.

I am sorry I keep my emails short. I want to write longer emails but I don’t. I keep them short and to the point so I don’t say anything I regret later.

You wonder why I dont look at you. It's not that I dont want to. Its just that my heart skips a beat and my breath is caught up in my chest whenever you smile at me like that. So I avoid eye contact as much as I can.

I miss having long conversations but words have gotten me into trouble before, I don’t want that to happen again. So I stay quiet.

I am sorry for the delays in replying to your messages. I think too much before I can write anything.

I know I haven’t been around lately. I know if I stop by, I wouldn’t want to leave.

I am sorry I treat you harshly. But I have no choice.

I think I love you…

And I am terrified.

You and I...Us

We sit together against the wall. You and I—side by side—in the darkness. You put your arm around me and start making shapes on my shoulder with your fingers. You turn your head and look at my face while I continue to look straight ahead. You smile. You lean in and kiss my hair (You are the first man who has ever kissed my hair). I hold your hand and trace the lines on your palm. After a while I put my leg between yours. It's comfy. We look at each other and I touch your face. I can't help but touch your face whenever I am close to you. I want to feel it. I want to trace your eye brows and your jaw line. I want to create an image in my mind with my fingers.

You lean closer and brush your nose playfully against mine. I see a blurry smile on your face as I ruffle your hair so you look even cuter.I lean my head against your shoulder and stare in the void while your fingers continue to caress my arm.I realize that this is the longest I have been able to sit in silence with someone. I know you are thinking the same thing.You and I. Side by side. In Silence--- It is pure comfort.

I cannot help but think about the possibility to "us". What would life be like if it was not You and I but an "US"?

I smile. :-)

Tagged...AGAIN!!

This time its Andy.I wonder how many of my secrets are going to be revealed this time round.Was the last tag not enuf Andy k bachhe to throw this on me too!!


~~~LAST~~~

* Beverage: Real fruit juice
* Phone Call: Sakshi
* IM: Andy (and I dont wana remeber this convo)
* Song listened: Masakali
* Time you cried: Was it today ? LOL
* Sms: Lucky

~~~Have you ever~~~

* Dated someone twice: Lemme start dating once....will think about twice later on lol
* Been cheated on: If what happened is called cheating then yes ..I dunno if its gonna come in that category.
* Kissed someone and regretted it: Leme kiss first regret ka uske baad number ayega lol
* Lost someone special:Yes...I have a good experience of that :)
* Been depressed: Excellent experience of that :P

~~~Three favourite colours~~~

Although three is very less a number still if I absolutely had to choose they would be Bloo,Pink and Yellow

~~~This Month Have you~~~

* Made a new friend: Yes new batchmates on orkut :D
* Laughed untill you cried: Yeah happened recently :)
* Met someone who changed your life: Not in this month no
* Found who your true friends were: I already know that
* Found out someone who was talking about you: No
* Kissed anyone on your friends list: Humph no

~~~How many~~~

* People on your friends list do you know in real life: Practically very few..emotionally everyone
* Kids do you wanna have: 2 I guess lol
* Pets you have: none

~~~~~~

* Do you wanna change your name: No I LOVE it!! :D
* What did you get on your last birthday: Jewellery from Mom and Dad..watch from Bro and Bhabhi and about 100 online cards from Lucky and Andy :)
* What were you doing at midnight last night: Chatting,reading and playing games lol
* Name something you cannot wait for: Start the new journey of my life
* Last time you saw your father: Before he went to sleep lol
* What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Myself :D
* What are you listening to right now: Its late night Mom Dad r sleeping cant listen anything humph
* Have you talked to a person named Tom: Nope
* Most visited webpage: Orkut, Gmail,Facebook and Blogger
* What's your real name: Shaivya
* Nicknames: Shaivi,Shaivy,Shaivoo,Shavski etc etc etc
* Status: :Single sigh
* Zodiac sign: Virgo
* Male or female: Female
* Elementary: Four schools...MPVM when I was in Allahabad...after that in Kanpur Wendy Academy then PCVN then back to allahabad Girls High School and College lol
* High School: Girls High School and College
* University: Allahabad University
* Hair colour: Black
* Long or short: Short
* Are you a health freak: Nopes lol
* Height: 5'8"
* Do you have a crush on someone: yes
* What do you like about yourself: My sense of humour at times lol
* What don't you like about yourself: Why am I so sensitive?
* Righty or lefty: Lefty

~~~Firsts~~~

* Surgery: None till now
* Piercing: Ears
* Best friend(s): Vertika,Lucky,Andy
* Award: Too many when I was young lol
* Sport(s) you joined: Basketball in skool
* Pet: None
* Vacation: Dont remember must have been when I was a baby lol
* Concert:Would be Daler Mehndi ka lol
* Crush: Nitin

~~~What are you~~~

* Eating: Nothing
* Drinking: Water
* I'm about to: Go to bed
* Listening to: Nothing
* Waiting for: this to get over

~~~Your future~~~

* Want kids: Yes
* Want to get married: Yes
* Careers in mind: Ofcourse anything that has to do with MBA hunh!!

~~~Which is better with the opposite/same sex~~~

* Lips or eyes: Eyes
* Hugs or kisses: Both
* Romantic or spontenous: Both will work
* Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms
* Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
* Hook-up or relationship:Relationship
* Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker
* Lefty or righty: How does that matter ? :-/
* Shorter or taller: Not shorter than me ofcourse...so he can only be taller lol :p
* Older or younger: Ummmm...dunno havent u read smewhere...pyaar andha hota hai...age jaan k pyar nahi hoga hunh!! :P

~~~Have you ever~~~

* Lost glasses/ contacts: I dont wear specs
* Ran away from home: Nope
* Kissed a stranger: Humph again!
* Drank pepsi: What a stupid question is that...ofcourse I have
* Broken someone's heart: No...thats the other way round usually :P
* Been arrested: No ..stop asking me stupid questions will you
* Turned someone down: YES!! a lot of despos lol
* Liked a guy/girl friend: Yes

~~~Do you believe in~~~
* Yourself: Yes
* Miracles: Yes.
* Love at first sight: Yes
* Heaven:Yes
* Santa Claus: Yes!! :D
* Kiss on first date: No...If a guy is really despo 2 get that on the very first date...then thats the only thing he wants lol...thats what I think...not that I have any experience :P
* Angels: Yes

~~~Answer Truthfully~~~ (Why a special seperate segment for this...you wanted me to lie before? You should have told me that pehle b4 I did all that mehnat in being honest!!

* Happy with your life: Yes but most of the times no
* Believe in god: Yes
* Posting it as 100 truths on your blog: Hellooooooooooooooooooooo if you can read this then surely you are not illiterate right?

Now for passing the tag...Sanket...Sid.....and m thinking of someone doing a guest post here ...lets see if I can convince this person :-)

Muhabat aik tareek-e- jungle ki tarah hoti hai…

aik bar iss k ander chaley jao phir yeh bahir aaney nahi daiti.

Bahir aa bhi jao tu ankhain tareeki ki itni aadi ho chuki hoti hain

k roshni mein kuch bhi nahi daikh sakti…

who bhi nahi jo bilkul saaf, waziya’h aur roshan hota hai.

~Umera Ahmed, Amar Bail

A small step towards saving our earth...

First of all for those of you who dont know let me define Earth Hour
According to Wikipedia..."Earth Hour is an annual international event created by the WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature/World Wildlife Fund), held on the last Saturday of March, that asks households and businesses to turn off their non-essential lights and electrical appliances for one hour to raise awareness towards the need to take action on climate change."

The timings are 8.30-9.30 pm local time on 28th of March.All you have to do is swich off all the electric appliances in your household for this period anywhere in the world.More than 85 countries around the world are participating in it.

Come on they are just asking for 1 hour....thats a very short time but in terms of saving energy it can do wonders.I am surely gonna participate in it..will you??

Tumhe maloom hai..
Ke tum bhi kaatil ho
Mere andar ka hasta hua insaan
Tum ne maar dala hai…

shikwa hai ek taraf ki koi samajhta nahi mujhe...

aur ek taraf hai khauf ki koi samajh na jaaye...

kashmakash bhari zindagi se yu pyar ho chala hai...

darti hoon uljhanein meri sulajh na jaayein...

The love affair completes an year...and it continues..

My love,

Because you look good every time I see you!
Because you take me back in your arms no matter how many times I go away
Because with you I have fond memories
Because with you, I don’t feel judged
Because you hold good times and laughter
Because there is no dearth of friends and loved ones here
Because you make me feel at home
Because, you’re special to me.
Just Because.
Blog, my love, I missed you too.


18th March was your 1st birthday....HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOCOLATE CAKE
Hope m back for good now :-)

Btw I am in love with dis song...traditional yet hip hop :D

And dis one 2...apart from the fact its awesme ...d lyrics r 2 gud combined with Rehman's music...it holds a special place in my heart for a very special reason...socho socho wt is it :D :P...ok I'll tell u all :D

Dis song was dedicated to me n I was named Masakali by someone 8)

Yay Yay I am tagged!!

Ok so I am celebrating this special occassion really late now...I had been tagged months back :))but I was..and I think am still suffering from this big tyme writers block...I just cant ryte...so kept pending it n pending it...finally thot kar he dena chahiye.Another reason why I kept avoiding it was...dis particular tag i felt....meri saari polein khol dega ye to =)) Kidding :P
Anyways here it is :D..I am going to create history on my blog (in the sense that its gonna be the 1st tag on dis blog) and all thnks for dis r to our very own Shai :D

The rules are:-
=>Once tagged, u gotta answer the questions on your blog, replacing the ones you didn't like with ones you do.
=>You then have to tag six other people who haven't fallen prey to this guy who tagged you and you also have to mention( along with link) the name of the person who tagged you.

1.If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
Give him a Slap and kick him out of my heart ..I deserve better!!

2.What is it that u see in an ideal partner?
Loves me..cares for me...intelligent...gr8 sense of humour...shd respect women...giv d same respect to Mom n Dad that he gives to his own Parents...n ..mental compatibility

3.What according to you is a perfect date?
I dunno...a day well spent together would be awesme...place dosent matter :D

4.What is more fluffy: holding hands while walking on the beach, or sitting under a tree and kissing each other's ears?
Lol both are givin eachother a big tyme competition to tke d 1st place..dey r literally fighting =))

5.How would you propose the person you love?
I think the guy should do that...Main itni besharm nahi hoon...hunh!!..U shd probably ask me how will I accept? :P

6.Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Yes I would

7.Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Obviously being loved by someone ….loving someone is very common :D

8.How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
If I really love this person you think I am gonna be happy with someone else even if I decide to go ? Its gonna be forever no matter however much you try.

9.If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Keep on waitin for him until I find someone who succeeds in taking his place in my heart :-)

10.What do you think are the foundation stones of a good relationship?
Looooooooads of love,respect for eachother & honesty

11.What according to you is the most beautiful thing about relationships or marriage?
Loving someone...a person you dint kno till maybe a few days weeks months or years bk....but can still trust this person with your heart,life and everything that you have and evrythin that you are :)

12.Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Working in a top company with an MBA degree from a reputed institute in my hand,married...and I guess a mother of a kid LOL

13. Whats your fear?
Loosing this certain someone I love...and I know I'll have to

14.What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She is a kid for me.A fun sweet chota sa baby for me :D...who is a lot more sensible than me =))....actually I shd say very sensible for her age too :)

15.Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Dunno...will have to srsly think abt it if d situation comes.Luv is a necessity..so I shd say married and poor..bt as a very filmy line goes...sirf pyar se peit nahi bharta lol...so honestly dunno :P

16.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
Hmm will pick the person who loves me back :D

17.Would you give all in a relationship?
Everything xcept self respect.

18.Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
I dnt really know...it tkes a real long long time for me to cme to a stage where I finally say enuf is enuf...den too I cant take vengeance from dis person...my relationship..behaviour jst changes wid dis prsn...its gna b subtle bt d person who hs dne dis wud feel it...bt as I said tkes a long long time for that stage to come...n until it does...i keep on forgivin n forgetin lol.

19.Do you prefer bein single or in a relationship?
Dunno.Very tough to answer that.

20.Your all time favourite sone.Only ONE and why?
Jab koi baat bigad jaaye...I dunno I just luv the lyrics of the song.

Hmm now 6 ppl to tag.....tht would be Saket..Siddharth (Lucky convey dis to Sid that he has been tagged :P)...aur kisko karoon :((...can I tag Andy again :P...n yes Amir...well you neva said the person has to read it and do it!! :D