I feel the gram of weight now.I feel it while he falls asleep talking to me.Just like that he falls asleep today as I sit right next to him.It might sound cliched but he looks like an angel - that is what he looks like to me- a beautiful but restless angel. The light from the lamp behind him almost makes a halo around his face.
I am frozen in my place. I do not want to move a muscle in case I wake him up.He needs a rest- a long peaceful rest to help him revive the beautiful life in him.
He sleeps on his belly holding the pillow tight, just like I do. His brows frown from time to time as if his mind is still struggling with something while his body has given up. I want to touch his face and caress his hair but I curb the temptation fearing that I will wake him up.He shifts in his place from time to time, not tossing or turning, rather shifting restlessly. He looks like a troubled kid who should be lulled to sleep every night. I smile at the thought.
And I feel that gram of weight- the inability to hold him in my arms and rock him to a peaceful sleep. The helplessness of wanting him and yet not getting him. That powerful desire to make him happy- to love him.
I restrain myself and with it comes that gram of weight I was telling you about.
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