Back.............

I want it all back: from the cold nights, to the skipping heart beats.I want it back.I want my tears back- from when my puppy died to the countless times I have banged and bruised my head.I want my parents screaming at me because I am being mischievious, when I am laughing on the inside because I have no intention of changing.I want my friends concerned about me.I want to be missed.I want someone crying, begging God for me to be okayI want it back.I want to cry over sad movies.I want to be afraid of dying.I want my hands to tremble, not from fear but from being emotional.I want to talk-freely.I want to feel wanted.I want my veins to struggle to let my blood flow.I want my heart to have to work twice as hard to beat half as slow.I want it back.I want it all back.I want my innocence back.I want you back.

Craving.....

At times in the middle of work, I find myself craving.

I find myself craving for you, like I would crave for ice-cream or chocolate at times. I am quite notorious for my cravings among my friends. Usually when I need to eat something I would just HAVE to get it.

But you…come on now… I can’t eat up a human being! But that is exactly what I want to do at times. Consume your entire being. Take you in me—completely. I know it sounds absurd but I crave for you. I need you. I want you… all of you. So bad. It almost kills me to know that I can’t always have you the way I want you or whenever I want you.

It’s getting too intense. The more you seem out of reach the more I want you. Please try to understand, you are like my sleeping pill. I need to take a dose every night before I can go to sleep. Otherwise I am an eternal insomniac.

Sometimes I want to hold you so tight that it would hurt. And at the same time, I fear. I am afraid that if I touch you I will hurt you. There is too much intensity. Perhaps there is a reason why we are not close.

Please don’t touch me. I should not come in your radius of contact. My heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it is shaken, it will spill everything. I am so intense that I might fall apart. And knowing me I won’t do the damage only to myself. I don’t trust.

I pity myself tonight. I am hopeless, pathetic, almost drunk… yearning for you.

Unconditional

Why can’t you get over the fact that I love you despite the fact that you do not love me? Why is it so important for you to make me stop loving you?

What is it… does it make you feel guilty? Or does it make you sympathize with me? Do you make fun of my poor miserable feelings or can’t you just not handle the fact that I could care about you without asking anything in return?

Please don’t get me wrong, I am no angel and I am sure of that. I am not trying to portray myself as a person who is just so great and who is working with dedication towards finding her true love. No, I am none of these.

I am just someone who is in love with you and is not afraid of it. I am not stalking you. I am not asking you for a commitment. Hell, I am not even asking you to see me every day. Essentially I am not asking you for anything.

I am just asking you not to rob me of my precious feelings. I am asking you to wrap your head around the fact that someone can actually love you without your consent.

No, I won’t stop loving you if you try to be a jerk. No, I would not stop loving you if you deliberately hurt me. Yes, it hurts but it doesn’t stop me from feeling how I feel. No, it doesn’t matter if you are around or far away, I continue to love you. Why can’t you leave me to love?

No, it is not an obsession.

Why is it so hard for people to wrap their head around the most pure, beautiful, blissful feeling called LOVE?